What happens when I stop laughing at my painโand start listening to the part of me that laughs?
This week, I pulled the Humor card from Parts in Me and decided to ask it a few questionsโjust to see what it might say back.
Because humor has always been here with me.
It sneaks in during fear, slides into grief, fills the silence in shame. Sometimes itโs been the rope that pulled me out of the dark. Other times, itโs been the wall that kept me from touching what hurt.
So I asked Humor what it was really trying to do.
A Conversation with Humor
Me: You show up even before I know what Iโm feeling. Why?
Humor: Because the feelings scare you, and someone has to stay calm.
Me: But then no one sees whatโs underneath.
Humor: They will. When youโre ready. My job is just to buy you time.
Me: Time for what?
Humor: To remember youโre safe enough to feel.
That stopped me.
Rethinking Humor
I always thought humor was the opposite of vulnerability. If I laughed, I wasnโt being serious. If I joked, I wasnโt really connecting.
But maybe humor isnโt the enemy of depth.
Maybe itโs what keeps me close enough to get there.
Humor doesnโt erase what hurtsโit sits beside it. It makes space to breathe. It whispers, stay a little longer, you can handle this.
And when I look back, the times humor truly helped werenโt when it pushed feelings away, but when it gave me a softer way to stay with them.
What This Means in Therapy
We often think of humor in therapy as avoidance. And yes, sometimes it is. But it can also be protection. Or survival. Or even connection.
For clients, humor might be the safest way to let something unbearable into the room.
For therapists, humor can be a gentle way to validate the absurdities of pain without minimizing them.
The key isnโt to cut humor outโitโs to notice what itโs doing. Is it buying time? Creating safety? Offering relief? Or hiding something that needs attention?
Maybe humor isnโt about hiding. Maybe itโs about staying.
And maybe, if I can thank Humor for keeping me close instead of fighting it, Iโll finally hear whatโs waiting underneath the laughter.
Tools That Help
Thatโs why I created Parts in Meโto help clients (and therapists) talk with the inner voices that show up in complex ways. Sometimes Humor is one of those voices. Sometimes Anger, or Control, or Doubt.
The cards give these parts space to speak, instead of being pushed aside. Because when we listen to them, they often reveal they were trying to help all along.
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