Therapy is often described as a journey toward clarity. But what if clarity doesn’t mean choosing one truth — what if it means holding more than one at once?
We think things like:
“I love them, but I’m angry.” “I’m proud, but I feel like a fraud.” “I want to get better, but I’m terrified to lose who I am.”
These aren’t contradictions. They’re complexity. They’re signs of integration, not confusion.
Here are a few ways to help clients (and yourselves) stay present with emotional “bothness”:
1. Name the Coexistence
When two feelings pull in opposite directions, simply name them.
“Part of you wants connection, and another part wants distance.” Naming validates both voices without forcing a choice.
2. Soften “But” into “And”
Language matters. Replacing “but” with “and” creates room for wholeness:
“I’m scared, and I’m willing.” It’s a small shift that invites permission to hold both truths at once.
3. Reflect the Function, Not the Conflict
Ask what each side is protecting.
“What might this angry part be taking care of?” Understanding purpose dissolves opposition — every emotion usually has a reason for showing up.
4. Invite the Body’s Perspective
When ambivalence shows up in words, the body can often show where balance lives.
“Where in your body do you feel the pull of each side?” Physical awareness makes it easier to sense that both can exist without canceling each other out.
5. Model Acceptance in Real Time
As therapists, your tone teaches more than our interpretations. When we show calm curiosity toward contradiction, the client learns they can, too. Sometimes integration starts not with insight — but with being seen in paradox.
6. Use External Tools
Visual prompts or cards can help make multiple truths tangible. Tools like Parts in Me allow clients to externalize opposing voices — seeing them side by side, not in conflict. It’s a way to move from “either/or” to “yes, both.”
7. End with Permission
Some sessions end mid-tangle. That’s okay. You can always say:
“It’s okay not to resolve this today — we’re learning how to hold it.” Healing isn’t always finding an answer. Sometimes it’s finding a way to stay.
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