Decoding emotionally ambiguous phrases and how to meet them with care and clarity.
Clients don’t always say exactly what they feel—not because they’re hiding, but because emotion doesn’t always arrive with language. Sometimes what comes out is a placeholder, a shield, or a reflex learned in past relationships. As therapists, you’re not here to guess or decode perfectly—you’re here to stay curious. This list is an invitation to pause when a phrase feels familiar or flat, and ask: What might be underneath? And more importantly: How can I gently make room for it to emerge?
“I’m fine.”
This might mean:
- “I’m holding it together and don’t want to fall apart.”
- “I’m actually okay, but I don’t know how to talk about it.”
- “I feel good but don’t quite believe it’ll last.”
Try asking:
“What does ‘fine’ feel like today—physically or emotionally?”
“Would you say that’s a steady fine, a stretched-thin fine, or something else?”
“I don’t know.”
This often means:
- “I can’t access that information right now—it’s foggy.”
- “I do know something, but I don’t feel safe saying it yet.”
Try asking:
“Would it help to check in with your body or just sit with the question for a moment?”
“Is there a part of you that might know, even a little bit?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
Might mean:
- “I’m afraid if I say it’s a big deal, I’ll have to feel it more fully.”
- “It actually is a big deal, but I’m testing how safe it is to explore that with you.”
Try asking:
“Can we hold space for it for a moment anyway, just in case?”
“If someone else told you this, would you see it differently?”
“I’m probably overreacting.”
May reflect:
- “I’ve internalized shame around my emotional responses.”
- “I want to say this, but I feel guilty or embarrassed.”
Try asking:
“Where did you learn that this response might be ‘too much’?”
“What would it feel like to trust your reaction, even if we explore it gently?”
“Can we talk about something lighter today?”
Could mean:
- “Last session cracked something open I wasn’t ready for.”
- “I want a break but I’m not leaving the work.”
Try asking:
“Do you want lightness, or just less intensity for a bit?”
“Would you like a structured prompt to guide us somewhere gentler but still meaningful?”
“I’m tired.”
This might mean:
- “I’m emotionally drained but don’t know how to say it.”
- “Something in me is shut down or done trying today.”
- “I feel hopeless or stuck, but I’m not ready to call it that yet.”
Try asking:
- “Is this physical tiredness, emotional, or both?”
- “What part of you feels the most exhausted right now?”
“I just wanted to let you know…”
This might mean:
- “This is something important, but I’m downplaying it.”
- “I’m testing whether this will be received without judgment.”
- “I need to say this, but I’m nervous about how it will land.”
Try asking:
- “What made you want to share that today?”
- “How are you feeling now that it’s out in the open?”
“It’s whatever.”
This might mean:
- “I’m overwhelmed and trying to shut down the emotion.”
- “I don’t feel like my reaction matters enough to name.”
- “I don’t want to risk being vulnerable right now.”
Try asking:
- “If it weren’t ‘whatever,’ what might it be?”
- “What would happen if we slowed down right here, just for a moment?”
“I feel like I’m back where I started.”
This might mean:
- “I’m making progress, but I can’t feel it right now.”
- “Something familiar got triggered, and it’s clouding everything else.”
- “I need reassurance that I haven’t lost all the work I’ve done.”
Try asking:
- “What feels familiar about this place?”
- “Can we look at how you’re relating to it differently this time?”
“Sorry, I’m rambling.”
This might mean:
- “I’m afraid I’m taking up too much space.”
- “I’m sharing something vulnerable and feeling exposed.”
- “I’m trying to make sense of something as I speak it.”
Try asking:
- “What part of this feels most important for us to stay with right now?”
- “What’s happening in you as you tell me all this?”
Sometimes these phrases reflect overwhelm, sometimes avoidance. Either way—they’re a cue to slow down, stay curious, and meet the moment with care.
