I tried a little experiment this week.
I opened a Google Form with just one question:
What is my body feeling, and what is it asking of me?
The first part, what I’m feeling, was pretty easy.
But recognizing that those sensations are actually a request for something? That’s totally new for me.
It all started when my girlfriend felt nauseous, and I offered her pills (which I didn’t have, obviously).
She said, “It’s okay, maybe it’s better if I listen to what my body’s trying to tell me, instead of numbing it.”
And I said, “Yeah, nice idea, but that doesn’t work for me, my body is always bullshitting me.”
She paused and said, “I don’t think that’s true. I think your body is in pain. You’ve put it through a lot over the years, self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety. It’s hurting. It deserves to be believed. You deserve to be believed.”
And that hit me.
I always talk about this kind of thing with emotions. That emotions have messages, needs, layers.
But the body? As someone with chronic pain and disability, my body has felt like a minefield for years.
When everything hurts all the time, I’ve learned to assume the pain doesn’t mean anything. That it’s just noise.
So I ignore it.
Which, now that I think about it, is basically gaslighting my own body.
Anyway, I wasn’t about to write a full journal, so I made that one-question form.
And honestly? It worked.
I noticed I needed to pee before it hurt.
I caught myself sitting in weird, painful postures and actually moved.
I stretched sore muscles before they locked up.
I didn’t wait until I was too weak to get food.
I realized that when I feel discomfort, whether it’s hunger, tension, or needing to pee, I automatically assume I’m just thirsty and drink water. Because that’s the only thing I can do without stopping work.
It helped. I felt less pain, less anxiety, and I didn’t collapse at the end of the day.
The next day didn’t go so well. I skipped the check-in, had a super stressful work morning, and by the time I remembered, everything already hurt. My body wasn’t making gentle requests anymore, it was just screaming. And I was annoyed with it.
I told my therapist about it, and she said something funny.
She said, “You keep saying your body is bullshitting you, but it sounds more like you are bullshitting your body.”
She also said that before babies can speak, they cry. And over time, their parents learn the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, or a diaper cry.
Maybe that’s what I’m doing now.
Maybe my body can’t speak my language, and I’ll have to learn to understand its.
Anyway, just something I’ve been playing with.
Also, my girlfriend is the best.
