I tried a little experiment this week.
I opened a Google Form with just one question:
What is my body feeling, and what is it asking of me?
The first part, what I’m feeling, was pretty easy.
But recognizing that those sensations are actually a request for something? Thatโs totally new for me.
It all started when my girlfriend felt nauseous, and I offered her pills (which I didnโt have, obviously).
She said, โItโs okay, maybe itโs better if I listen to what my bodyโs trying to tell me, instead of numbing it.โ
And I said, โYeah, nice idea, but that doesnโt work for me, my body is always bullshitting me.โ
She paused and said, โI donโt think thatโs true. I think your body is in pain. Youโve put it through a lot over the years, self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety. Itโs hurting. It deserves to be believed. You deserve to be believed.โ
And that hit me.
I always talk about this kind of thing with emotions. That emotions have messages, needs, layers.
But the body? As someone with chronic pain and disability, my body has felt like a minefield for years.
When everything hurts all the time, Iโve learned to assume the pain doesnโt mean anything. That itโs just noise.
So I ignore it.
Which, now that I think about it, is basically gaslighting my own body.
Anyway, I wasnโt about to write a full journal, so I made that one-question form.
And honestly? It worked.
I noticed I needed to pee before it hurt.
I caught myself sitting in weird, painful postures and actually moved.
I stretched sore muscles before they locked up.
I didnโt wait until I was too weak to get food.
I realized that when I feel discomfort, whether itโs hunger, tension, or needing to pee, I automatically assume Iโm just thirsty and drink water. Because thatโs the only thing I can do without stopping work.
It helped. I felt less pain, less anxiety, and I didnโt collapse at the end of the day.
The next day didnโt go so well. I skipped the check-in, had a super stressful work morning, and by the time I remembered, everything already hurt. My body wasnโt making gentle requests anymore, it was just screaming. And I was annoyed with it.
I told my therapist about it, and she said something funny.
She said, โYou keep saying your body is bullshitting you, but it sounds more like you are bullshitting your body.โ
She also said that before babies can speak, they cry. And over time, their parents learn the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, or a diaper cry.
Maybe thatโs what Iโm doing now.
Maybe my body canโt speak my language, and Iโll have to learn to understand its.
Anyway, just something Iโve been playing with.
Also, my girlfriend is the best.
