I’m writing this post with that annoying ache in my chest. I just left a social interaction and now I’m thinking all the worst things about what I said and what I didn’t say. Did I speak too much or say too little? Am I not at their level? These thoughts are racing through my head, and it’s hard to shake them off. But instead of falling into this cycle of overthinking, I decided to write this post about it because I know I’m not the only one dealing with it.
Overthinking social interactions after the fact is a common experience for many people. We want to analyze and reflect on our interactions, but sometimes we get caught up in negative self-talk and beat ourselves up for perceived mistakes. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, which can impact our future interactions.
We can try to be comppationate towards ourselves, Instead of beating ourselves up for perceived mistakes, we can try to approach ourselves with kindness and understanding. We can remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay not to be perfect.
Practicing self compassion can feel ingenuine and fake, compassion towards others however may be easier. Try to think how you’d feel towards someone you love in this situation and the things you’d say to them, remember that would probably say those things from a genuine and compassionate place within you and try to utilize that towards validating the things you say to yourself.
Overthinking social interactions can be a difficult cycle to break, especially if we’ve been doing it for a long time. One thing to keep in mind is that our thoughts and feelings are not always accurate reflections of reality. Just because we feel like we made a mistake or said the wrong thing doesn’t mean that’s actually what happened. It’s important to challenge our negative thoughts (without dismissing our emotions) and try to see the situation from a more objective perspective.
Another strategy for breaking the cycle of overthinking is to practice self-awareness. By becoming more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we can start to recognize when we’re engaging in negative self-talk or overanalyzing past interactions. This can help us interrupt the cycle before it spirals out of control.
It’s also important to remember that social interactions are a two-way street. While we may be focused on our own perceived mistakes, the other person may not have even noticed or may have had a completely different interpretation of the interaction. By focusing on our own thoughts and feelings, we may be missing out on valuable insights into the other person’s experience.
It may not work for everyone but I found that when I voice these feelings to the people in the situation they often reassure me with their perception of what happened. If it’s not something that could work with this group you can just share with a friend and let them be the comppationate voice you struggle to find in yourself at first.
Finally, it can be generally helpful to seek support from others. Talking to a trusted friend or therapist about our experiences can help us gain perspective and develop new strategies for coping with overthinking and anxiety. It can also be helpful to connect with others who have had similar experiences and learn from their strategies for breaking the cycle.
Overall, breaking the cycle of overthinking social interactions retroactively takes time and practice. But by being kind to ourselves, challenging negative self-talk, staying present in the moment, practicing self-awareness, and seeking support from others, we can learn to enjoy more positive social interactions and reduce our tendency to overthink past interactions.
